Film In The 90s
The 5th Greatest Generation (according to Tom Brokaw) Speaks Out
The Most Unbelievable Things That Happened In Movies In The
By Sauce Tarte
1. Drew Barrymore, still having no more talent than being sufficiently
able to not look directly into the camera, returns. Was she really
ever gone? Did anyone miss her?
2. The remaining Steven King "novels" that hadn't been made into
movies in the eighties, including an average of three new "stories"
cranked out each year, with names changed to preserve the ineptitude,
were also made into movies, made for television movies, commercials
3. Sudden unexpected resurgence of Jane Austen, Vagina Woolf and
other proto-feminist horseshit writers that did for feminism what
Reagan did for Alzheimers. I'll send money to the charities, just
stop it! Please! (Even if I can't afford to send another of Jane
Austen's poor relations to charm school just to get them out of
my fucking hair and find them a husband! And how is that an interesting
4. Disney leads the forefront in building an even more astounding
cinematic campaign against the arsenals of children's piggy banks.
You'll know who to blame if you aren't able to afford college for
your children. "Sorry, Janey, but you made a choice when you decided
to see Pocahontas 50 times. Choices have consequences. I
bet you think Pokemon is pretty stupid now, but I remember
a time when you didn't."
5. If you think kids can spend money then you'd bet teenagers,
who actually have an income, can really spend it! So goes the ideology
first encountered in the capitalist mid eighties that broke out
into a rash of nastily ignorant plot twists and mtv marketing campaign
inspired visuals that still keep coming. Luckily, more intelligent
films have exploited these techniques to their advantage. The smart
teen flick has arrived.
6. Steven Spieberg. Sappy as hell and unstoppable. Need I say more?
7. The nineties were the decade of recycling; the decade of the
remake, the re-release, the prequel, the sequel, everything retro-this
and neo-that. Every old idea, script, style, plot, etc. has come
back to us. From Psycho to Star Wars, no stone has
been unturned except by oversight.
8. The 90's rise of independent films has done more to change the
ways that bigger budget films present themselves rather than to
actually establish independent films. Surprise? Not really.
9. Good-bye Mr. Kubrick. I'm sorry that I never knew you.
10. Ciao Frederico! The day that Fellini died left many a monkey
rattling its cage.