Right Turn Clyde
Volume 1 Issue 7.5 - Goodnight To The Rock-n-Roll Era
Your Monthly Dose Of Cynicism

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Spanking The Monkey

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Movies That Pants Liked in a Particular Order But I'm Not Telling You What That Order Is

Being John Malkovich - You know what I really like? Milkshakes. They're reeeeally tasty. I just got a blender so I can make them a bit smoother than those old handmade ones I used to make.

Three Kings - I've fired a gun once in my life. In Ridgefield, Conneticut, at my friend Jason's house. A bunch of us stayed there after we went to a rugby game at UConn. Jason's dad loaded up this over 100 year old Black Powder Rifle and fired at a box of dog food fashioned into a target. Baby packs a whallop. Jason's mom got real mad at Mr. Kenny.

Election - I ran for various offices throughout my tenure at various schools at the elementary, middle, and high school level. I typically lost. Except when I ran for Class President for my sophomore year. I ran unopposed, thanks to my only opponent finding out three days before that her family was moving to England, but her name was still on the ballot. My speech was, "You have no choice but to vote for me." Apparently I lost. I only won by default.

Iron Giant - I bougt a robot for $5 at a garage sale. The guy who sold it to me was apparently kicked out of Cal Tech AND M.I.T. because of his radical ideas about anti-gravity. According to his theories, a spaceship could maintain anti-gravity for ten seconds using the same amount of power and energy as it took to power the entire world for 2 years. The last time I saw him, he was living out of a Pontiac Fiero, but he still manages to conduct weekly yard sales as he means of income (corner of Oakwod and Gennese in glorious Fairfax Village).

The Insider - It's weird to live in a state where you can't smoke ANYWHERE! Then I go back to the home of Philip Morris, Richmond, Virginia, and you can smoke wherever you damn well please. I mean, you can smoke in hospitals and not just in waiting rooms, you can smoke in the operating room. In fact, there are typically cigarette machine outside most O.R.'s since 70% of all surgeons in Richmond smoke and teachers are allowed to smoke in classrooms in all public schools.

American Beauty -

Run Lola Run -

The Matrix -

Mystery Men - We are number one. All others are number two or lower.

Dogma - If you ever get a chance to go to a Mormon service....GO. Sure, it may be 3 hours long but its broken up into sections and the whole thing has a feel of one big Kiawanas meeting.

American Movie - In college, when we were editing and sound editing the movie we would work overnight in the building. Our diets consisted of pizza, pretzels, and coffee. One afternoon I woke up to find cookies in my apartment. Apparently this girl that lived around the corner had called me while I was sleeping, asked if I wanted cookies, which I did. I suppose that I walked downstairs, opened the door and went back to sleep.

Galaxy Quest - I once worked on a short film in which I had to fill Tony Shaloub's ashtray full of ashes and cigarette butts. I worked with an ex-con and were got paid in beer.

Asses on Fire -

Magnolia -

Fight Club - In high school gym class, we sometimes had to play a riveting gamed called "Hardy Ball" which was some off-shoot of football, ultimate frisbee, and prison riot. In one game, I went for the interception and I guess in my effort to get the ball, I think I knocked Jamie Rodgers somewhere in the vicinity of his face. Needless to say, Jamie was a neck and no good ol' boy is going to let one of "them book smart kids" get the best of him. On the neck play, the ball was passed to me and Jamie run up planted his feet and socked my across the jaw.


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