With A Serial Killer
By Sauce Tarte
The other day, I was in a salad bar line (okay, insert your damn
wisecracks here) when the strangest man that humanity could muster
and launch right at me, began his hyper-active barrage of questioning
"Why don't you put green onions in your salad? Don't you like green
onions? I'll show you how to make a salad! A crazy salad! I'm so
wound up right now! You wouldn't believe it! I've been up all night.
Three nights now! No sleep! Where are you from? You're shy aren't
you? No? Just Quiet? Don't want to talk! I understand! Can you guess
what I do for a living? No? Well I'm not going to tell you! I certainly
won't tell you! Oh! You like carrots? Good girl! It's either a hot
dog or a salad! You know what I mean? Hot dog or salad! Right! What's
that grunting noise you make? ' NNNGGGHH!' Why do you say that?
'NNNGGGHH!' What does that mean? You don't want to talk to me? Do
you like beets? Beets are good for you. Broccoli? You like Broccoli?
That's good for you too. No you aren't supposed to answer! You're
supposed to say, 'NNNGGGHH!' Remember! NNNGGGHH!"
Needless to say, I got the hell out of there but it left me thinking;
thinking that when one is a serial killer, one must select a victim.
Every serial killer has a "type". How do they find someone to fit
the bill? There must be an arduous selection process that every
mass murderer must go through to fill their vacancy. This man was
screaming, "NOW HIRING" and I was in prime position for having this
That got me thinking further that this selection process had been
shown in certain cinematic ventures and even done well in some of
them. The following Classifieds game is one that you can play in
the privacy of your own home to see if you are a candidate for murder.