An Open Letter To Chow-Yun Fat
Take a trip with us down Bad Ass Memory Lane. Our fathers had Clint
Eastwood and Lee Marvin. Our grandfathers had John Wayne and Jack
Palance. Until 1989, we had noone. Then The Killer came out
and you and John Woo found a way to make an entire generation of
attention deficit-challenged youth sit still through what is essentially
a musical with carnage. To this day, it's hard for us to even watch
you do interviews because we expect you to do everything in slow-motion.
Then you came to Hollywood and did The Replacement Corruptors
and you know what we hate? The nerve of theatre owners to run commercials
for newspapers, soft drinks, and websites before the movie. You
know what we hate even more? When you can't tell the difference
between the commercials and the movie.
Now, thanks to Yul Brynner's unavailability, you're starring in
The King & I with Jodie "Good Luck Doing Hannibal
Without Me" Foster. Your people will tell you this is a good career
move. This will prevent you from being sterotyped as the Man With
The Golden Guns. Stop. Do you think that Lee Van Cleef worried about
being pigeonholed as a bad guy? Hell, no. Because when you're the
best, you've got other things to dwell upon. Like inventing new
ways to dive through windows while shooting with two guns. In slow-motion.
Don't get caught up in the whole infotainment buzz about you being
the next overseas sensation. If you have any questions, just ask
Sammo Hung. Yes, thanks to CBS' "Martial Law", millions
of people know who he is now. That doesn't change the fact that
he has to work with Arsenio every day.
Finally, there's talk that your role in The King & Clarice
may nab you an Oscar nomination. Allow us to confide in you-the
only thing that winning an Oscar gets you is a statue, a hangover,
and a picture of Harvey Weinstein kissing you on the next morning's
front page. It does not guarantee you a career. Don't take it from
us. Just call Amistad's Oscar nominee, Djimon Hounsou to clear things
up for you. Believe us, he's available for that call.
You have the opportunity to be THE MAN.
The door is cracked open for you.
Kick it in.