Nude As The News

In these final film-making months of the decade, we hold these truths to be self-evident:

1) Every action will have an inferior reaction (Deep Impact / Armageddon, Dante's Peak / Volcano, 2000'S two MARS movies)

2) Adam Sandler's next movie will feature burping, farting, peeing, or a montage featuring all three and

3) The porn industry will bastardize the titles of Hollywood's success stories into their own versions of big-budget erotica.

Since it seems like every Schmoe from Saskatchewan wants to make it in Hollywood, we here at RTC have decided to take the low road and play the porn industry's name game for them. Here are our suggestions and let us add that all of our writers are available for porn consulting and / or stunt double work. Enjoy, sickos.

Armegetiton
As Good Ass it Gets
Condom Air
Anacondom
Dudley Do-Me
Buffy the Vampire Layer
The Bare Bitch Project
The Domi-Matrix
American Booty
Bowfinger Her
Mystery Semen
Deep Blue Semen
The Inside Her
Buena Vista Swingers' Club
Lake Flaccid
Shakespeare In Heat
For Love Of The Gay Men
Banging Mrs. Tingle
Boning John Malkovich
Inspect Her Gadget
Erection (Asian porn)
Three To Poontango
The Genitals' Daughter
Big Sugar Daddy
The Asstronaut's Wife
Ten Things I Ate About You
Stuart Not-So-Little
Rumpaway Bride
Dyke Club
Princess Wannablowme

And the movies we wouldn't even touch...

Sleepy Hollow
The Iron Giant
The Bone Collector
Jawbreaker
The Talented Mr. Ripley

And of course,

Dick