The Lip's Flame
It's the girl from Little Rhody with more life-changing and deeply
insightful commentary on the cinema.
Wait, as some kind of explanation for this, these are the movies
I have seen since the last issue [that I made it in under the brutal
deadlines handed down by the iron-fisted editor of this mess]. That's
not an explanation, is it? Anyway...
A Rhode Islander's Random and Terrible Review of the Cinema
TO CATCH A THIEF
Loved it, loved it, loved it. Why don't they make movies like this
anymore? Here's the strange thing: the plot is weak; Cary Grant
is not looking his best he clearly fell asleep in the tanning
booth and/or he has developed a serious case of jaundice; the climactic
capture scene is cheesy (Cary's disguise consists of a black button-down
polo shirt); the lines are cheesier (Grace Kelly's mother says "Sit
down and let me tell you about men and the world before I KNOCK
you down!!" or something like that); and the car chase scene is
cheesiest of all (the evil pursuers are foiled by a CHICKEN IN THE
ROAD). But I find myself in love with Cary and Grace, all starry-eyed
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Question: why is it so difficult to watch movies from the 80s? Answer:
the hair is so distracting. I mean, it really is distracting.
EYES WIDE SHUT
Nicole Kidman is hot. And yes, the computer generated images did
ruin my ability to be FAR too creeped out by the porn suddenly on
the screen in front of me.
NEXT STOP WONDERLAND
Like so many movies where the city plays a role in the movie, this
one is cinematographic masturbation for residents of Boston. Oh
look! The Green Line! Look! Southie! Look! The Aquarium. Whatever.
We all live somewhere. Cute movie though. Another tragically romantic
plug for the sentiment that "the One is out there, just find him/her
and it will hit you like a ton of proverbial bricks and you'll just
sense his/her presense on the T and just faint right there" or something
like that. Of course, being female, I got weepy. I don't want to
talk about it.
Whut the? Come on. I know this guy makes movies for $10.50 and the
movies make 3 trillion dollars and everybody is ecstatic and the
execs can buy their third vacation home, but Adam Sandler is funny
and this movie may be funny if you're stoned. Only and maybe then.
THE SIXTH SENSE
Some ding dong sitting at a table next to me at a restaurant ruined
the movie for me by screaming out the ending. Fortunately, my date
was devastatingly handsome and hopelessly charming and I quickly
forgot how pissed off I was. Anyway, scared the freaking pants off
of me nonetheless. The kid with the gun?????? The girl with the
oatmeal?????? I was doing that thing where you make a little circle
with your hand and peek through the little hole. I mean, no I wasn't.
AMERICAN BEAUTY / ELECTION
Do not get me wrong. Both of these movies merit their own little
paragraph. And I have many good things to say about both. However,
I'll leave it up to the rest of these self-proclaimed "Hollywood
types" to critique them at length. What I do want to say is that
these movies shared a plot line, namely pedophilia, which kind of
gives me the willies. It seems like the collective creative subconscious
of this country is indicating that men cannot relate to or be sexually
attracted to women their own age. These men aren't falling for the
hot older woman (The Graduate), they're not falling for that
Pantene model (Weird Science, of course), they're not falling
for the beautiful popular unattainable girl (any movie with John
Cusack in the 80s). No, they're falling for (and either attempting
to or succeeding in sleeping with) little girls. Little girls. Anybody
else finding this even mildly alarming?
That's it for now.