Right Turn Clyde
Volume 1 Issue 4 - Take A Picture Here, Take A Souvenir

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About RTC
Spanking The Monkey

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The Lip's Flame The Lip's Flame

Please note: I'm no massive and obsessive film buff. Also, I can't name-drop worth a quarter which means I can never live in Los Angeles. Also, I'm big on eavesdropping. And I have a really bad memory. Also, I ripped off my friend Jeffrey earlier.

What the hell am I doing. . . ?

So I sort of know these kids. Well, no, I don't even really know them at all. But anyway as the appointed-in-absentia PVD distributor of this mess, I feel the need to represent East Coast and all of that crap. I should say that I am intimidated by the thought of submitting to any 'zine. Further, I feel like an ass using the word "'zine" in a sentence. Thus, I just got drunk and wrote something.

My loose parameters to self:

  1. Drink enough so I forget I don't really want to be writing for a 'zine
  2. Drink enough so I forget I don't really want to be writing for a 'zine called Right Turn Clyde
  3. Drink enough so I forget I don't really want to be writing for a 'zine called Right Turn Clyde for people I'm not sure I'd recognize on the street.

I mean, maybe RTC doesn't have a "staff" and can't really "publish" and doesn't have "color" and has no "sponsors" and isn't "telecom friendly", but they sure do try. So, here's my contribution--

A Rhode Islander's Random-Ass and Terrible Review of the CINEMA
Recent and Not Recent Movies That Immediately Come To Mind

South Park
Super Funny, and helped me become far less disturbed by a co-worker who had previously called me a "shit-slurping Uncle Fucker."

Good, but alarming when one amongst the innocent-looking sixteen year olds in the bathroom after the movie actually said "It made me want to do drugs. . . Actually, it just made me want to go out with a really hot drug dealer."

The new movie with Eddie Murphy
Haven't seen it, don't intend to, but this kid I know is so excited about seeing it, and he's a really really funny kid, so whatever that's worth.

Evil Dead 2
Good, but I suggest renting at a smaller local video store with a geeky salesperson. Geeky Salesperson may give you props; Blockbuster Manager-Guy told me I should be enjoying the nice weather instead of watching movies like this. Bad for self-esteem.

The Tango Lesson

The Blair Witch Project
Good, but I had trouble really getting into it because the guys down my row were "having a conversation." Yes, that's what they said.

The Philadelphia Story
Loved it, loved it, loved it.

Good, but who the hell keeps giving Gretchen Mol work? She is not so good.

Some movie with Gretchen Mol and the actress who likes to wiggle and the actor who was the gay lover in Wilde
PREPOSTEROUS. I saw this during a bachelorette party and we turned it off at the point where the ailing mother proclaims Death will have to "mount her like an intractible whore." Saw it again on TBS recently and found that the ailing mother weakly pitches an empty glass through the window subsequent to the whore statement (in an act of defiance towards said Death I guess). (Pants, have you seen this movie?)

The Matrix
Really Good. The shooting scene in the marble entranceway is just plain kick-ass. Although I do grow tired of the Fifth Element-esque "love will conquer all" horseshit.

The Thin Red Line
Good, until there was a power surge in the hotel and the movie was cut off halfway.

So I Married an Axe-Murderer
Funniest Movie of All Time, sort of. If you are reading this and you remember the jail scene with the guy from SNL who died and it's not Chris Farley and you, too, almost peed your pants while watching it, you can stay at my house if you ever visit Providence. That scene, and Mike Myers saying "PIPER DOWN" in a not great Scottish accent make this a gem. Come on.

With that, my mind empties out. And I got stuff to do. Enjoy the rest of the issue.


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