Right Turn Clyde
Volume 1 Issue 3 - So Much To Answer For, So Sick Of Talking About It

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(I thought that might get your attention)

By Shorty LaBrea

Being the butt of many jokes around the RTC office over my taste in movies, in particular my enjoyment of the American Pie trailer, I felt it was my duty to prove my co-workers wrong and show them that American Pie really was a good movie. So on the Sunday of opening weekend, I headed over to my local AMC movie theater and managed to catch the Twilite showing for $4.25. God bless AMC!

Let me just say this: I laughed so hard I thought I was going to crap my pants. In today's age where everything is reduced to a soundbyte, why can't we see a soundbyte like that in an ad for a movie? I am so sick of the "Two thumbs up. Way up!" from Joe Generic and "American Pie is pie-rrific!" says some dumb-ass from a publication owned by the same über- company that owns the studio that made the film. I want a reviewer to let his or her readers know that a particular movie made him load his shorts. A soundbyte that actually has power and meaning. But I digress...

American Pie is a movie that comes out with 50 foot letters written on the side of a mountain that says, "Guess what? We are going to talk about teen sex." They are not afraid to follow up a bold statement like that with real thing. This is not your watered-down family fare where "intimate" scenes are shot in silhouette and last a whole twenty seconds, or the infamous Big Top Pee Wee cut to fireworks ruse. This movie has sex on the brains so much that it could have been the sequel to a Drew Barrymore movie – Never Been Laid.

So this is the scoop: four friends in high school make a pact to help and encourage each other so that they can lose their virginity by senior prom, three weeks away. That's it. Pretty basic. I know you're saying I've seen plenty of crap like that before whether it's one of the numerous installments of Porky's or some ski bunny/stewardess/sorority girl-chasing movie. The difference with American Pie is that the characters and situations ring true to life, mostly due to the fact that the girls in the movie are just as sex crazed as the guys. They also don't just fall back on your generic jocks versus geeks story line with all the character depth of a Michael Bay film. Watching this movie, you get the feeling that you knew these kids when you were in high school.

Did I mention there's a monkey in the movie? Oh yes! You know you've just sat through a quality piece of cinema when while perusing the credit roll you notice this glorious cast member, "Kid With Monkey." Unfortunately, there are no robots in this movie; however, there is the next best thing – internet porn. Just because the movie itself isn't a porno doesn't mean our intrepid heroes and heroines can't watch a little smut during the unfolding of this spicy tale.

American Pie seems to have everything going for it: a smart script, strong direction, and good acting from the stars. Plus there's some great references to pop culture including a scene that could be straight out of The Graduate featuring a student appropriately nicknamed Shitbrick and a M.I.L.F. (If you're not familiar with this teen-slang, you're just going to have to watch the movie.) Since I know that everyone is curious about this, I'll tell you right now, Shannon Elizabeth as the foreign exchange student is very naked in the movie and much better looking than her Playboy spread.

Favorite line? "What's my name, bitch?!"


**Note from the Monkey
As Shorty so eloquently wrote in RTC2, age is an untameable monster in Hollywood. With this is mind, does it bother anyone else that 3 years ago Thomas Ian Nicholas was A Kid In King Arthur's Court and now he's getting his love groove on in American Pie? Hmmm. Also the KID WITH MONKEY's name is DANNY SPINK.


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