Off To Dead Guys!
RTC's Salute To Trey Wilson Or His Name Ain't Nathan Arizona
What does it take to be one of our favorite movie stars ever?
One-you work with visionary directors. Two-your comic timing is
so sharp you could put an eye out. Three-you've played the dad in
a Pat Benatar video. As you might suspect, these are big shoes to
fill, but Trey Wilson hits the trifecta every time. Wilson's performance
as Nathan Arizona in the 1987 Barry Sonnenfeld Demo Reel stands
tall in the pantheon of Great Comic Performances. As a tip of the
cap to the actor who died of cerebral hemorraghing in 1990, we bring
you Trey Wilson's shining moment, The Investigation Scene...........
The room is filled with policemen milling about in several different
uniforms: local police, state troopers, plainclothes detectives.
The original POLICEMAN is leading NATHAN to a table where a white-smocked
technician is preparing inkpad and exemplar sheets. The dialogue
is urgent, rapid-fire and overlapping.
POLICEMAN: Mr. Byrum here can take your exemplars while you talk.
MR. BYRUM has taken NATHAN's right hand and is rolling its fingers
onto the inkpad.
BYRUM: Just let your hand relax; I'll do the work.
NATHAN jerks his hand away.
NATHAN: What is this?! I didn't steal the damn kid! Two men in
conservative suits are approaching.
POLICEMAN: Sir, these men are from the FBI-
NATHAN (bewildered): Are you boys crazy?! All I know is I wake
up this morning with my wife screaming-
BYRUM (patiently): We just need to distinguish your prints from
the perpetrators', if they left any.
NATHAN: Course! I know that!
FBI 1: Sir, we have an indication you were born Nathan Huffhines;
is this correct?
NATHAN: Yeah, I changed m'name; what of it?
FBI 2: Could you give us an indication why?
NATHAN: Yeah, would you buy furniture at a store called Unpainted
FBI 1: All right, I'll get to the point-
UNIFORMED COP: Was the child wearing anything when he was abducted?
NATHAN: No one sleeps nekkid in this house, boy! He was wear-
FBI 1: I'm asking the questions here, officer.
COP: If we're gonna put out an APB we need a description of the-
NATHAN: He was wearin' his-
FBI 2: It's just that we're better trained to intervene in crisis
situations (to NATHAN). What was he wearing?
NATHAN: A dinner jacket! Wuddya think, he was wearing his damn
FBI 2 (to cop): The child was wearing his jammies. Are you happy?
FBI 1: Do you have any disgruntled employees?
NATHAN: Hell, they're all disgruntled! I ain't runnin' a damn daisy
COP: What did the pyjamas-
NATHAN: My motto is do it my way or watch your butt!
COP: What did the pyjamas-
FBI 1: So you think it might have been an employee?
NATHAN: Don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they don't piss
with their pants on fire.
COP: What did the pyjamas look like?
FBI 1: (pained): Officer-
NATHAN (bellowing): I dunno, they were jammies! They had Yodas'n
shit on 'em!