One Man's Opinion (And Unrelated Anecdote)
By Sean Griffin, FOK (Friend of Kush)
The Shawshank Redemption, while entertaining, was the longest
preview ever made. I kept on waiting for the movie to really begin,
but my wish was not granted. It was an extremely shallow, light
as air movie. As Casey Kasem would say: "Ponderous, man...freakin'
ponderous." And if you gave an oscar to Morgan Freeman, then you
would have to give Donald Sutherland an Oscar for doing voice-overs
on car commercials because there is absolutely no difference. Morgan
played the voice-over, he didn't play a character who took a pee,
actually no one in the movie did. Tim Robbins was too good to be
true. The only guy who really was good was Bob Gunton, but who cares?
Like I said before, entertaining but slight. It was like drinking
an egg cream made with skim milk, listening to Bread's greatest
hits, having your teeth cleaned and the dentist saying, "It's really
not necessary, you're teeth are so clean as it is, why waste time
and money." A Krispy Kreme donut right off the conveyor belt. A
sip of Bud Dry. As Casey Kasem might say "Look, this is bullsh*t,
this movie is whitebread, and who gives a sh*t." A twinkie. A Ball
Park Frank on a Sunbeam roll with French's yellow mustard. The last
song on side four of The Beatles White Album. Kraft's Macaroni &
Cheese. Ragu Spaghetti Sauce. A Borden Ice Cream Sandwich.
Anecdote: So this trashy Italian family lived across the
street from me growing up. They had like eight kids and by the next
decade the kids had kids, the oldest will probably be a grandfather
by 30, anyway, one of the daughters gets a sno-cone. Five minutes
go by. Mom comes running out of the house and addresses the Ice
Cream man, who is about to drive off. "Mister, can we exchange this
sno-cone for something else? You see, it has artificial coloring
in it and Christina's hyperactive..."